Dear friend,

I want you to imagine this scenario:

A friend comes to you and tells you they need to talk. They have messed up, feel dumb, and can’t forgive themselves. They are sure everyone hates them and thinks they are terrible.

Knowing our industry, and how we like to be of service to others, I imagine you would listen carefully, feel their pain and then answer with compassion. You would go on to let them know you understand, you still love them, will help them get through this bumpy part of their life and will always be there for them whenever the need arises. Am I right?

Now flip the script and explain what happens when that someone is you who messed up, and you are the one that needs a shoulder to cry on. How do you talk to yourself?

Based on what I know about human nature, limiting beliefs and how we hold ourselves accountable I would bet money that you would be very hard on yourself and say things such as:

Why did I do that?
Why can’t I get anything right?
When will I ever learn?
I am such an idiot.

These are examples of negative self-talk, the pesky playlist in the subconscious of our minds, running on repeat, which can contribute to feelings of anxiety, demotivation and hopelessness. And it is unfortunately common. Here are some examples:

“I'm such a failure."
"This always happens to me. I'll never get it right."
"I messed up, I'm a complete disaster."
"It's all my fault."
"If I'm not perfect, I'm worthless."
"I'm just stupid/incompetent/etc."
"Everyone is judging me."
"I should have done better."
"I'm a failure."

Negative self talk is sneaky, too. Sometimes, we downplay our achievements, trying not to make others feel bad. But here's the thing: how we talk to ourselves becomes what we believe even when it is in jest. And that can seriously affect our self-esteem and happiness.

But there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel. We're not stuck with this negative chatter…

DO THIS

To help you change your negative beliefs of who you are, I want you to choose three to five people you TRUST to write you a note listing what they think of you personally and professionally. Nothing elaborate, just a simple list will do. Hand them a notecard to write how they think you look, act, treat others, etc. It is very important to choose people who love you, know you well and who want the best for you. Let them take the card and give it back to you later.

Once you have received all the notes I want you to sit alone, maybe pour yourself a cuppa tea, and read the words carefully letting each of them sink in. Their words will help you see yourself in a whole new light.

THINK THIS

It's important to recognize and challenge your self-talk to foster a more positive and compassionate mindset. The words written about you will help, and here are some other examples of how you can flip your script.

When things are tough: say “I can do this."
When life is out of whack: say "Everything will be okay."
When you need to make a decision: say "What's the best way to approach this?"
When you are feeling overwhelmed: say "I am capable and confident."
When lots needs to be done: say "Keep going, you're making progress."
When you have messed up: say "It's okay to make mistakes; I'll learn from this."
When things look glum: say "Things will get better."
When you feel at wits end: say "It's not as bad as it seems."
When you have a long term project: say "Here's what I need to do next."

You can write these in your journal and refer to them throughout the day so that you are flipping the negative to the positive.

As you dive further into taking care of yourself, remember THIS IS MY YEAR and steer towards that great, fun, loving life you're working for.

So, this week, treat yourself as you would your friend, give positive self-talk a shot.

All my best,

Liz